Why It’s So Hard as a High Achiever to Admit You’re Wrong (And What to Try Instead)

Nobody wants to admit they made a mistake.

And I mean nobody. Not the CEO. Not the teacher. Not the coach who writes about self-awareness for a living. (In otherwords…me. Although once upon a time, typos would have made me cringe. Now I feel like they’re the badge of honor that I actually wrote something myself!!!) 

It’s hard to admit you’re wrong - especially when you’re a high achiever. Our brains are still running the same operating system they were running thousands of years ago, when a mistake could actually get us killed. Mess up in caveman days – miss a threat, misread a predator, eat the wrong plant – and that was it. Game over.

So our brains learned to respond to mistakes the same way it responded to saber-toothed tigers: fight or flight. Deny or die.

When something goes sideways, our first instinct is to either defend ourselves with everything we have or pretend the whole thing never happened. It's ancient wiring doing exactly what it was designed to do.

But we're not living in caves anymore. And in 2026, that wiring is working against us.

The Two Ways We Make Mistakes Worse

When something goes wrong, most of us do one of two things.

We fight it. 

We double down, deflect, spin the story, make it someone else's fault. Anything to avoid the exposure of being wrong.

Or we flee. 

We spiral into self-punishment so severe that it becomes its own kind of paralysis. We beat ourselves up until we're so bruised we can't think clearly, let alone move forward.

I've done both. (The doubling down, especially.) 

There was a time I would catch myself mid-mistake, fully aware I was making it worse, and still couldn't stop. The fear of what "being wrong" might mean was louder than the obvious truth that I was just digging a deeper hole.

What was I actually afraid of? I’m not sure - I never stopped to ask.

And that's the thing. Most of us don't. We're so busy managing the shame and the fear that we skip right past the question that could actually help us: What happened here, and what do I want to do differently moving forward? 

Why We Opt for Self-Criticism vs Accountability

Instead, we just criticize ourselves. But self-criticism and accountability are not the same thing.

When you berate yourself for a mistake, two things tend to happen. You either repeat the same mistake because shame doesn't actually teach you anything useful. Or you stop trying altogether, because your nervous system decides the risk isn't worth it.

Neither of those outcomes serves you. Neither of them serves the people you lead.

Real personal growth work — the kind that actually changes how you show up — starts with self-compassion. Which is something most high achievers think of as a bit soft. But self-compassion is actually a practical leadership strategy.

When you can get a little distance from making a  mistake – when you're not white-knuckling through shame – you can actually look at what happened. You can ask yourself what did and didn’t work? Why? What do I want to do differently next time?

That's discernment. And that's what makes you a better leader and a better decision-maker – not to mention a better human.

You can't access any of that while you're in the middle of a shame spiral.

What Your Mistakes as a Leader Are Actually Trying to Tell You

To quote one of the all time greatest TV shows: everybody makes mistakes. That one came from Sesame Street. And I will not apologize for quoting Sesame Street. It's good content. In fact, I remember reading stories to my kids when they were little and sometimes feeling like the message was meant for me more than them! 

But somewhere between childhood and the corner office, we stopped believing that. We started treating mistakes as evidence that we're not smart enough, not ready enough, not whatever-enough. We use them to confirm the story we were already telling ourselves about why we don't deserve the thing we want.

And that's just our inner critic running the meeting.

What if mistakes were information instead? Not indictments, but data. Feedback from the real world about what's working, what isn't, and what wants to be different.

Asking The Right Question Changes Everything

Instead of "how could I have done this so badly?," try asking: "What does this tell me, and how do I want to move forward?"

That one reframe shifts you from victim to decision-maker. And leaders are decision-makers.  

Making Mistakes Means You're Still in the Game

Smart, high-achieving, deeply capable people are often the hardest on themselves when things go sideways. The higher the stakes, the more vicious the inner critic gets. The more successful you are on paper, the more terrifying it feels to be wrong.

But the leaders who build real, lasting confidence aren't the ones who make fewer mistakes. They're the ones who've learned to learn from them and move on faster. 

They feel the sting. They ask the real questions. They decide what to do next. And they keep going.

That's the work. Not perfection. Not zero-failure execution. The willingness to stay in the game even when it gets uncomfortable.

You will make mistakes. If you’re taking risks and doing anything meaningful, you’ll make mistakes. The only people who don't make mistakes are the ones who've stopped trying. And honestly? They still make mistakes too. 

Be in the game. Make the mistakes. Learn the lessons. And then move forward with new knowledge about how to grow and get better next time.

Ready to stop letting your inner critic run the show? Download my free guide to discovering and working with your inner critic — and start turning that voice from an obstacle into information.