Habits Are Just a Series of Comebacks
Last spring, the pollen on the East Coast knocked me flat. And it taught me more about how to regain momentum than any perfect week I've ever had.
I got in two weightlifting sessions and a yoga class before it took me out. By Thursday? Done. Third workout? Nope. Yoga? Nope. Steps? Nowhere near 10k. My food choices? Let's not discuss.
On Sunday, I dragged myself to a yoga class. On Monday, I felt ready to go.
This was top of mind when my coach dropped a piece of brilliance on me:
"Habits are nothing but a series of comebacks."
The Perfect Streak Is a Fantasy
We've been sold this idea that successful people maintain flawless consistency. They never miss a workout or lose focus. They never hit snooze. They have a morning routine that survives sick kids, 11pm emails, and East Coast pollen season.
It's baloney. And it’s costing you.
When you believe consistency means never missing, one missed day feels like failure.
Then one missed day turns into a missed week. A missed week turns into "I'll start next month." You break your streak, and you decide the whole thing is broken.
That's the all-or-nothing trap, and most of us fall into it hard. We're used to being good at things. So when we're not good at something, we'd rather quit than be seen doing it badly – even if the only one watching is us.
What Actually Separates the People Who Change
The most successful people I know, including the executives I coach, are FAR from perfect.
They miss workouts. They blow meetings. They cancel on themselves. They lose a month to a reorg or a sick parent. They're human beings with human lives, which means their plans get wrecked like everyone else's.
What sets them apart is their comeback game.
That's what separates the people who create lasting change from the people who don't. It’s not about how many times you fall down - it’s about how quickly you get back up.
Your Habits Include the Misses
Here's what my coach's line really means. A habit is the pattern of coming back to something, over and over, regardless of how many times life gets in the way. The misses are built in to the habits.
So if you're trying to become a person who never stumbles, you're waiting for a robot.
We aren't robots. We're human beings.
How to Regain Momentum Without the Shame Spiral
This goes way beyond your new year’s resolutions and the gym.
You will snap at your team (or your kids) on a day you swore you'd be patient. You'll catch yourself spiraling in perfectionism over a deck that was fine three drafts ago. You'll find yourself saying yes to something you desperately wanted to say no to, and you'll know it the second it leaves your mouth.
That’s how it goes. It’s not what really matters. What matters is what you do next.
That's the real superpower.
And it's a skill, which means you can build it.
A Missed Day Is Just a Missed Day
That stumble is just information. It tells you something about your energy, your calendar, your boundaries, or the season you're in. That's useful.
What it does not tell you about is your character or your discipline.
Pollen took me out for a few days. That's all that happened. It didn’t mean anything about my willpower.
Watch What You Tell Yourself About It
The story you tell yourself about eating the chocolate cake does more damage than the cake itself ever will.
“I have zero willpower.”
"I'll never be consistent."
"Who am I kidding?"
That's your inner critic, and it loves a stumble. It takes one missed Thursday and turns it into evidence for everything it's ever believed about you. We tend to listen to that voice but that’s what makes the comeback way harder.
Make the Comeback Small
I didn't come back from pollen week with an entire workout agenda. I came back with one yoga class on a Sunday. I simply began again.
And it was enough to get me moving again on Monday.
When you've fallen off, the instinct is to make up for lost time. Double the workouts. Answer every email tonight. Eat grilled chicken and steamed vegetables for every meal for a week. That's the perfectionist in you trying to erase the miss instead of recovering from it. But it usually ends with you burning out and falling off again.
This is where real leadership starts - with self leadership.
You need to do two things - and one of them doesn’t work without the other:
1. Hold yourself accountable. Make a commitment to come back to your habits when you fall off
2. Drop the self-flagellation.
You need both. Commitment without compassion turns every miss into a trial. Compassion without commitment turns every miss into a permanent vacation.
Doing both is how people actually change.
If there’s a habit you’ve broken, pick the smallest version of the thing and start with that. Momentum comes from motion, and motion does not need to be grand.
You just need to start.
Self Leadership Practice: Practice the Comeback
Think about something you've been trying to build or keep going. A workout routine. A boundary at work. A way you want to show up for your team. Then ask yourself:
Where have I fallen off recently, and what story have I been telling myself about it?
What's the smallest possible comeback I could make this week?
What would I say to someone I love who missed the same thing I did?
What would change if I measured myself by how fast I come back?
Whatever you're trying to build right now, forget perfection. Focus on the comeback.
That voice that turns one missed day into proof you'll never change? It has a name, and you can learn to work with it. Grab my free guide, Working With Your Inner Critic, and start making your comebacks faster and a whole lot kinder.